Amusing Stories and Jokes

What is a Senior Citizen?

contributed by Manya

A Senior Citizen one who was here before; the pill, television, frozen foods, contact lenses, credit cards… and before man walked on the moon.

For us ‘time sharing ‘ meant togetherness, not holiday homes, and a chip meant a piece of wood. ‘Hardware’ meant nuts and bolts and ‘software’ wasn’t even a word.

We got married first and then lived together and thought ‘cleavage’ was something that butcher’s did. A ‘stud’ was something that fastened a collar to a shirt, and ‘going all the way’ meant staying on the double decker bus all the way to the bus depot.

We thought that ‘fast food’ was something that you ate in Lent; a ‘Big Mac’was an oversized raincoat and ‘crumpet’  was something you had for tea.

In our day ‘grass’ was mown, ‘pot’ was something you cooked in, ‘coke’ was kept in the coal house and a ‘joint’ was cooked on Sundays.

We are today’s Senior Citizens, a hardy bunch when you think how the world has changed!

The Haircut

contributed by Vinod

One day a florist went to his barber or a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill, and the barber replied 'I cannot accept money this week, I am doing community service' The florist was very pleased and left the shop. 

When barber went to open his shop the next morning there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses for him at his door.

Later a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, I  cannot take money from you, I'm doing community service this week. The cop was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open his shop there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then an MP came into the shop for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill the barber again replied, I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week". The MP was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open his shop there were a dozen MP's lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that my friends illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Margaret Thatcher said, both politicians and nappies need to be changed, often for the same reason !

"Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without forgetting"

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Why Worry? 

Why worry: There are only two things to worry about: either you are well or sick. If you are well then there's nothing to worry about. But if you are sick then there are only two things to worry about.Whether you will get well or whether you will die. If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die then there are only two things to worry about, whether you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven then there's nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends that you won't have time to worry.

Strange but True! Contributed by Prem HIrandani

1. The Lawywer hopes you get into trouble.
2. The Doctor hopes you get sick.
3. The Policeman hopes you become a criminal.
4. The Teacher hopes you are born silly.
5. The Landlord hopes you don't build a house.
6. The Dentist hopes that your teeth decay.
7. The Mechanic hopes that your car breaks down.
8. The Coffin-maker wants you dead.
9. Only a Thief wishes you Prosperity in life!